Saturday, August 30, 2008 ♥6:45 PM
How to Make a Big Splash with your Blog and Impress the Hell out of Everyone: All Hail to the Power of Zen …
Warning: This post belongs to the Bloke’s ‘Just for Fun Series’, so if you have no sense of humor then please refrain from reading any further.
Rory has written an interesting post about recent newcomer Leo Babauta who has quickly made a name for himself in the overcrowded blog about blogging niche, leaving bloggers shaking their heads how he did it.
So I thought it would be fun if I wrote a tongue-in-cheek counterpoint to help dispel any speculation and give you my insight as to how he might have done it.
These are my observations in a nutshell:
Make a HUGE splashy banner. Be bold. Be very BOLD. Later, when your blog is more established you can replace the big banner with even splashier advertisements.
Write in very (very) LARGE print. Did I say LARGE? The advantage with this strategy is that you can fill up the page with less words. This takes the “less is more” writing strategy to the nth level. In addition, the sight impaired need not use their scroll button to make the print larger to read. It’s already been done for them.
Speaking of writing, be sure to throw in an impressive buzz word now and then to keep them guessing and running over to Wikipedia. Who knows, while they’re over there they might even write an article and make you immortal.
Stuff your titles with outrageous superlatives that are sure to attract swarms of readers like flies on doo doo. Words like “Superblog” or “Pure Gold“… be sure to keep your thesaurus handy and remember that BOLD thing.
Use a simple template/theme design. Some call this the “uncluttered” look. The advantage with this strategy is that it takes zero talent or knowledge to create your template and only a few minutes of your time. Who cares if it looks like it was made using Microsoft Word.
This strategy will only be effective if you tell everyone else they should do the same to hide the fact that you have no coding skills whatsoever. Later on when your blog gets more popular you will have lots of white space to clutter up your design with nice, blinking advertisements.
Only allow the cheering section to leave comments. Forget about blogging transparency and delete with extreme prejudice any comments that might offer a different opinion … especially if it comes from the competition. (I know this from bitter personal experience).
Glean the best information that you can find from the internet. Repackage it with all the flair you can muster, applying CMP (Copy, Massage and Paste) using your best copywriting skills. Then pass it off as your own content.
Prepare a bunch of posts in advance and orchestrate your big splash by scheduling them for release one right after the other. That outta impress them.
Now sit back, have a beer and watch your traffic go through the roof. Laugh your way all the way to the bank.
Disclaimer: Any similarity to persons or bloggers living or dead is purely coincidental. Yeah, right.
P.s.: This post was made in fun. Please note the tags “humor“ and “satire“. Get it? So don’t bother sending me hate mail. You will have to stand in line for that.
*This post has been recently updated
♥ sneaky patricia ♥
